When the manse became vacant earlier this year no one gave much thought to the problem that people might want to phone the church.   We discovered some weeks ago that people were finding it a little frustrating that no one answered the church phone when they called.   So I diverted the manse phone number to our private number – but that’s when the abusive phone calls started.   I still get them.   On average there is one every day.   Last week I had three in one day.

Before you get the wrong idea I’d better explain myself.   These are not the kind of abusive calls that we sometimes receive.   One of our daughters once had her photo in the newspaper.   She was probably about 16 at the time.   Some perverted male in the community took a liking to her picture.   He decided he’d contact this young girl and talk dirty to her.   After that we kept a sports whistle next to the phone and whenever he rang he copped an earful.   That quickly deterred him.

No!   The phone calls I’m talking about are telemarketers.   They call to offer me the latest ‘you beaut’ phone plan – usually by commencing their call with the good news that my phone bill is going to be cut.   Or they offer me a holiday at some resort if only I will attend a lecture on property investments.   Still others want to sell me solar panels or some children’s educational program.   And then of course there is a long list of charities that call.   I have problems understanding some of these callers because often the call comes from Manila (or Mumbai) and is made by someone who’s English is heavily accented.

Before I diverted the manse phone it wasn’t a problem because we had listed our private number on a government web page that excludes telemarketers from phoning you.   However because the church phone is not a private number it is not able to be registered in that way.

But are these really abusive calls?   You bet!   For two reasons!   First of all because my telephone is something I pay for in order that I can call my friends and family and so that they can call me.   When someone uses that facility to try to twist my arm into buying something I don’t want then I regard that as an abuse of my telephone.   A second problem is that these callers invariably refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer.   So they force me to be rude and hang up on them.

Yesterday it suddenly struck me that maybe I should use this as an opportunity.   They think they have me as a captive audience on which to unload their sales spiel.   Maybe I should play their game.   How about this for a possible scenario?

Caller: I’m Thomas and I’m calling to offer you an exciting weekend at the Scooby-Do Resort in Noosa...!

Me: Great, Thomas.   I’ll tell you what I’ll do.   You let me talk to you for one minute about a great deal that I have for you and then I’ll let you talk to me for one minute about the great deal you have for me.   Okay?

Caller: Uh...!   Well, okay!

Me: I’m a Christian who knows that Jesus was sent into the world to die for our sins.   By his death on the cross and his resurrection on Easter morning He brings us into a right relationship with God if we simply trust in Him.   We spoiled that relationship with God by rebelling against God.   My deal is that I offer you eternal life and the opportunity to enjoy God’s presence in your life every day... all you have to do is invite the Lord Jesus Christ into your life.   Would you like to do that?

Caller: Click!

Oh well, it was worth a try.   Maybe that guy from Dodo Telecommunications might ring back.

John Westendorp